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2009-10-19T18:46:00.003+08:00

really now? after all these things?

maybe.
maybe not.

you tell me you're losing it?

i cry almost every night.

and now? come on child.

i've considered tasting my facial wash.
i'm still ok? right?

it's the best of all things.

am i?

if you don't have it, you're dead.
wow. seriously?

in between the hours of understanding robertsonian translocation, catching the latest episode of a tv series, and gulping 2 gallons of coffee each day, i realized that there is, after all, hope.

it may be the one thing i'll ever have.

yet again

2008-10-30T15:10:00.005+08:00

i bask in the champagne of remedies and dip in the bubbles of an afterlife.
i cry when i can, i smile when they ask me to.
i laugh with them, i know the joke's on me.

i am caged in the lifeless form of mediocrity
but carousels here do surround
an institution of endless gratitudes
and whispered bullshits

i could not ask for more

duktor po ako

2008-04-06T18:40:00.003+08:00

Honour physicians for their services, for the Lord created them;
for their gift of healing comes from the Most High and they are rewarded
by the King. …. The Lord created medicines out of the earth and the
sensible will not despise them. …. And he gave skill to human
beings that he might be glorified in his marvelous works. By them the
physician heals and takes away pain; the pharmacist makes a mixture
from them. God’s works will never be finished and from him health
spreads over all the earth.My child, when you are ill, do not delay
but pray to the Lord and he will heal you. Give up your faults and
direct your hands rightly … Then give physician his place for the
Lord created him; do not let him leave you, for you may need him.
There may come a time when recovery lies in the hands of the
physicians, for they too pray to the Lord that he grant them success
in diagnosis and in healing for the sake of preserving life.
Ecclesiasticus 38

in memoriam

2007-05-13T08:10:00.000+08:00

scarcity of time for myself and my brain freaks me out. to not have a grasp of my psyche makes my spirit weak. it makes me a zombie, giving substandard philosophies and judgement calls. it also gives me the excuse to be slack. but who am i fooling? nobody knows it but me. what they see is the zombiesque gown, and to explain every reason, layer after layer, fabric by fabric, would just be a senseless waste of time. there would be none left for me, and the cycle begins. each turn transforming me into what they see is a colorful work of art, but made of threads out of steel.

on bargaining

2007-02-06T17:11:00.000+08:00

NOTHING IS PERMANENT IN THIS WICKED WORLD - NOT EVEN OUR TROUBLES.

- Charlie Chaplin (1889-1977)

squares/circles/triangles

2006-12-02T17:04:00.000+08:00

logos.

annoying and immature.
constant and timeless.
reminds you of vagueness
and the eerie complexities
of the human mind.

transforming an institution
to one distant circle
and graphic wastes
of leaves, trees, and books
of flames and triangles
of sun, moon, and stars.

yet we are drawn.

a slave of its own perplexities.

logos and love
love and logos

man and his queer ideas.

logos.
oh, such a lovely, lovely thought.

2006-11-24T14:46:00.005+08:00

MISS SARAJEVO

Is there a time for keeping a distance
A time to turn your eyes away
Is there a time for keeping your head down
For getting on with your day

Is there a time for kohl and lipstick
A time for cutting hair
Is there a time for high street shopping
To find the right dress to wear

Here she comes
Heads turn around
Here she comes
To take her crown

Is there a time to walk for cover
A time for kiss and tell
Is there a time for different colors
Different names you find it hard to spell

Is there a time for first communion
A time for east 17
Is there a time to turn the mecca
Is there a time to be a beauty queen

Here she comes
Beauty plays the crown
Here she comes
Surreal in her crown

[Pavarotti]Dici che il fiume trova la via al mare
E come il fiume giungerai a me
Oltre i confini e le terre assetate
Dici che come fiume come fiume
L'amore giunger L'amore
E non so pi pregare
E nell'amore non so pi sperare
E quell'amore non so pi aspettare

[English translation:]
You say that the river finds the way to the sea
And as the river you'll come to me
Beyond the borders and the thirsty lands
You say that as river
As river Love will come
Love And I cannot pray anymore
And I cannot hope in love anymore
And I cannot wait for love anymore

[Bono]
Is there a time for tying ribbons
A time for Christmas trees
Is there a time for laying tables
When the night is set to freeze

relocated REM II

2006-09-09T09:57:00.001+08:00

Vivo per lei
Andrea Bocelli

Vivo per lei da quando, sai la prima volta l' ho incontrata

non mi ricordo come ma m'é entrata

dentro e c'è restata

Vivo per lei perché mi fa vibrare forte l'anima

vivo per lei e non é un peso.

Vivo per lei anch'io, lo sai e tu non esserne geloso

lei é di tutti quelli che hanno un bisogno sempre acceso

come uno stereo in camera di chi é da solo e adesso sa

e anche per lui, adesso, io vivo per lei

E' una musa che ci invita a sfiorarla con le dita

attraverso un pianoforte, la morte allontana, io vivo per lei.

Vivo per lei che spesso sa essere dolce e sensuale

a volte picchia in testa ma è un pugno che non fa mai male

Vivo per lei, lo so, mi fa girare di città in città

soffrire un po', ma almeno io vivo

.E' un dolore quando parte (vivo per lei dentro)

Con piacere estremo cresce, attraverso la mia voce si espande

e amore produce (insieme)

Vivo per lei, nient'altro ho, e quanti altri incontrerò

che come me hanno scritto in viso

Io vivo per lei, io vivo per lei

Sopra un falco contro un muro anche in un domani volo

ogni giorno una conquista, la protagonista sarà sempre lei (insieme)

Vivo per lei perché oramai io non ho altra via d'uscita

perché la musica lo sai, almeno non l' ho mai tradita

Vivo per lei perché mi da pause, note e libertà

ci fosse un'altra vita la vivo, la vivo per lei.

Vivo per lei, la musica.

Io vivo per lei Vivo per lei, è l'unica, io vivo per lei........

Doppelganger

2006-07-29T13:24:00.000+08:00

1. binigay daw ng nanay ko sa stuff toy yung bote ng gatas na ayokong ubusin. ito ay para maiinggit ako. hindi ko daw pinapansin, dedma. natulog daw ang nanay ko. pagkagising niya, nakita nya daw akong nilulunod yung stuff toy habang nakangiti.

2. close kami ng tatay ko noon. lagi kaming tabing matulog, at hindi ako makakatulog pag wala siya. kaso kelangan nyang umalis ng tatlong araw. pagdating niya, nawawala na kumot niya (tinago ko sa cabinet ko), at madumi na ang mga unan nya.

3. kinukurot ko lagi ang seatmates ko ng grade 1 at grade 3. medyo masaya ako pag umiiyak sila. dahilan bakit ko sila kinukurot? wala lang, sumasaya ako. (pero hindi ko pinaiyak at kinurot yung seatmate ko nung grade 2. bakit? kasi lalaki sya. at gwapo. at crush ko siya.)

4. gumawa ako ng krimen na may pagkakahawig sa #1 at #2 ngayong umaga. pero hindi ko na ibubunyag kung pa'no, ano, saan,sino. hindi ako nagsisisi. nangingiti ako pag naaalala ko. masama na kung masama.

sa mga mahilig manadya:
sige lang, ulit-ulitin mo.
hindi ko ipapakitang apektado ako dahil alam kong matutuwa ka.
pero ingat lang
baka hindi mo alam kung sino tumira sayo
kasama mo pala sa ilalim ng iisang bubong.

thawed mineral water

2006-07-28T20:05:00.000+08:00

One month’s worth of charade, but the residue of the week was enough to end the guiltless self-destruction the soul of my dissociate personality (aka pokpok/keropi) was going through. The plan was to allow the body to wander, strain facial muscles from laughing, and drain the lacrimal gland from tears. It was an intelligent move (or so I thought), with the ulterior motive of exhausting oneself with selfish and malicious desires. Other species must be ignored, their silence respected, while those who come my way must be destroyed. The week was simple, crystal clear, and perfectly pure.

And I saw that it was good.

…………………………..

But nothing lasts forever, and pokpok/keropi must choose: stay in my body, or forever wander and suffer invisible orgasmic hell, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. (At di mo pa alam kung sino tumira sayo. )

Her decision:
Tangna, stay na lang noh?!! Konting tyaga lang, at libo-libo syete mil kilometrong pasensya, masaya parin naman kahit pano e. Dami pa kasing dramang nalalaman, iiyak din naman.

Case dismissed.
Date: july 22, 2006

……………………………..

Welcome back pechay (fm and pokpok/keropi combined)!!!

one step away

2006-07-19T10:15:00.000+08:00

....now you know what it's all about...
how do you feel my love?
do you feel it as I walk away?
-justify the misery that you put yourself within-
I need to climb but still,
i've got to show my will.
i'm used too much.

How do you feel my love?
do you feel it as i walk away?

POST-VALENTINE HEMORRHAGE

2006-02-17T14:39:00.000+08:00

"... love is anticipation and memory, uncertainty and longing.

It's unreasonable, of course.

Nothing begins with so much excitement and hope and pleasure as love...

and nothing fails as often....

Love must be troubled to be interesting.

We crave love, can't live without its intimacy, though it pains us...

... and every person in therapy has a love disorder:

never felt love, can't find love,trapped by love,

unraveled by love, thinks love is lust or love is loss,

fears love, loves too much, uses love for profit,

jealous in love, lost in love,

love affairs, unrequited love,

love sick, doesn't love Mom, won't love Dad,

can't love the kids, can't love the self,

hopeless love, self-absorbed love, love as a crutch,

love as a truncheon, love in ruins,

crazy love, love that eats the heart,

careless love, drowning love, love that dares not speak its name,

blind love, consuming love, dangerous love,

first love, last love,fickle love,

love and mariage, love lost, secret love,

love on the run, love that hates, dutiful love,

borrowed love, thief of love, love in embers,

love in vain, love in shackles, love maligned,

love that warps the mind a little..."

test post

2005-10-24T01:16:00.000+08:00

testing